dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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