Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
