At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
