And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
