He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
