Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
