He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
