I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
