I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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