Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come share oat with me in your robe
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
