i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
