Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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