This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
