she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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