for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
