Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
