drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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