Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
