these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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