I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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