Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
