need another drink. this is the easiest way
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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