Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
