You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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