I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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