hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
