I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
