Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
