Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He felt like a one man threesome
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
