I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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