and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
