As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
