I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
