My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
