Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
