I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
