Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
