I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
