Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
