I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
