and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
