This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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