So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
