I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
