matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
