So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
