You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
