You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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