you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
