you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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