Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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